High School Reunion. Wow! Is that statement loaded or what?!
What reaction comes up for you?
Are you excited to see old friends? Or do other reactions pop up? Does your stomach tighten up? Does the class bully come to mind? Do you feel like you need to prove something? Does the thought, “I need to lose 5 pounds,” come up?
Several months ago I received a note that our 30th reunion was coming up. In the instant I saw the note so many thoughts and emotions flew through my mind. At first I thought, “Of course I’ll be there. I’d love to see my old friends. I’d love to know what everyone’s been up to and tell them what I’ve been doing.”
And then this set in: doubt, fear, shame, inadequacy, anxiety, not good enough, tension… almost more feelings than I can name and identify. High School held so much for me. I wasn’t in the “in” crowd. I wasn’t in the “bad” crowd. I was kinda somewhere in between, in the “lost” crowd.
In my day, in Catholic School, you were in a click and that pretty much defined you. Almost like a caste system. Once you were in your group, you didn’t really ever get out.
At first I thought, “I have so many things to tell all of them. We’ve lived in so many countries, traveled to so many incredible places, had amazing experiences. That’ll impress ‘em.” “Wait, I need to go shopping. I need to buy some fun new clothes!” Then I went the other direction, “Why do I have to impress anyone? That’s not me. That’s not the person I’ve evolved into.”
Luckily the rational me came forward with some say so: “What I really want to do is to reconnect with everyone who’s there and hear about their lives. I just want to know them on an adult level instead of where we left off at 17. I’ll just go in and be me. That’s what I know how to do best.”
And that’s exactly what I did. I didn’t buy anything new. I wore fun clothes that were already in my closet. I don’t wear them often anyway.
Does High School Reunion bring up these thoughts for you? Have these thoughts gone through your mind at the thought of seeing all your old friends?
High School is an incredible cornucopia of personalities. It kind of reminds me of the 1985 John Hughes movie The Breakfast Club. All of humanity thrown together for 7-8 hours a day, five days a week, for four years. You love each other or not. You’re a teenager trying your best to navigate the waters of emotional highs and lows; raging hormones; pressures coming from all angles; thinking we need to act a certain way, be a certain person. We bring our home issues with us everyday to school. We graduate with so many unresolved emotional teen-age issues and then BAM! It’s time to see everyone again for a reunion. These old issues may or may not be internally resolved. And, for better or worse, these people know most of your darkest secrets, things you’d like to forget, the trouble you got into.
For me, my issues resolved themselves throughout my evolution. I’ve made the conscious choice to see the issues that plagued me as a teenager and worked to release all the old baggage I was carrying.
I was really ready to embrace the entire hodge-podge of people I left at seventeen.
I was thrilled and surprised during our time over the weekend.
I felt like we were all welcoming each other back into a group of 25 best friends that hadn’t seen each other in 30 years. Our class reunion was one of the best times I’ve had in a long time. There was no judgement. I felt welcomed, loved, supported. There weren’t any of the high school hang ups or cliques or drama. Everyone just wanted to reconnect and be together. And I had the distinct feeling no one wanted it to end. I think we just wanted to stay in our own created love bubble.
I loved the stories we reminisced about. I had forgotten how much trouble I actually caused in high school. That‘s why we have our friends, to remind us of all the trouble we got into, the illegal things we did, the things our parents had no idea of.
It was a super-duper love sesh. I know it doesn’t always happen like this. And not everyone’s reunion is hunky dory like ours was.
How does this happen? Were the stars and planets aligned just so? Did our horoscope say it was to be a fantastic weekend?
I am a firm believer of creating our own reality. We create all that comes to us. We get back what we put out.
Did everyone else have the same intention? Did all twenty-five people manifest this fabulous weekend?
All I know is I miss them all already! I miss the connection we made as adults. I love that they knew me and all the crazy shit I did in high school and love me anyway. They didn’t judge me for what I did as a teen-ager. They were truly showing up to reconnect as adults, with all our history, and all our collective mess, to be friends on another level.