I L.O.V.E this time of year!! I love the cold weather and the snow. Snow is amazing. I love wearing sweaters, long warm socks, an extra blanket on the bed, a fireplace. I love the joy and giddiness in the air that comes with this season. The decorations I put up house are fun and festive. And I love seeing other people’s decorations. I love listening to Christmas Carols. I love making cookies and goodies and sharing them with my family and friends. I love giving gifts. I want to send Christmas cards to my friends so I can update them with what we’ve been doing. I want to see their kids pictures and know what they’ve been up to. Having said all that here’s my dilemma: the thought of having to get my act together enough to do all the extra’s frustrates me, confuses me and adds more stress to my already full life. My days already breeze by without my to-do list being complete. So where is my balance in all this?
This week in yoga our teacher asked us to each find a word we would like to focus on. That was easy! The word almost jumped out of my mouth…balance please! I greatly desire to find balance during this season. In the already full life I have created I strive daily to find balance; now, the holiday season is here and I have to find balance with that too. I’ve noticed that instead of creating a priority list to assist with all that’s swirling around in my head, I often want to be silent. I desire to go within and become quiet. Can I just meditate all day?! Alas, not a reality. Here’s another piece I’ve noticed: a duality going on within me. All of me wants to work , attend my writing course, write my book, blog. And all of me wants to be in the kitchen, listening to Christmas songs, making our favorite goodies and creating gifts for friends. And I’ve been noticing some interesting feelings creeping into my awareness regarding these two dualities. I thought it was resentment; but not quite. Then came angry; nope. Too strong. Maybe frustration. Most likely irritation. My mind wants to tell me the season is beginning to feel invasive of my time and space. And that’s the irritating part. The season itself is not irritating or invasive. It’s me that is irritated. I’m trying to find the balance with all that I want to do and the irritation stems from not finding it. As I do my best to find balance I wonder how others juggle their priorities during the holiday season. What gives? How do we all honor this joyful season and still maintain our sanity?
As I sit with the above mentioned thoughts whirling around in my head several questions come to mind. Where have I said yes when I really wanted to say no? Have I continued to honor and care for me while all this is going on? How can I best learn to navigate this time of the year and maintain balance. How can I not be irritated? At this point in my own spun up quagmire of thought is where I finally remember to let go and surrender to the Universe. There is a force greater than me that has control over what’s going on. I don’t have to figure this out on my own. THANK GOD! My body exhales an instant sigh of relief. I feel my shoulders drop as they release the built up tension. All of my being realizes I don’t have to figure out anything. If I just let go of my illusion of control and ask the Universe for help peace and balance will begin to flow again. Thus into conversation with the Divine I go. It usually sounds something like this, “Thank you Universe for showing me the gift amidst all my frustration. Thank you for showing me how to best navigate my this time of year. Thank you for showing me the key piece of learning in all of my irritation.”
As soon as I asked a solution was presented, “What is important to you this year? What would you like to give intention to?” I wanted to sit and ponder this for awhile but really it was easy. The answers came quickly. I know what’s important to me. I know how to give intention to exactly what’s important. I know how to weed out what isn’t serving me. I’ve learned how to fine tune my life. Deep down I know what serves me and what doesn’t. Until this moment I wasn’t willing to stop and process all that’s going on. I wasn’t willing to let go of a few to-do’s and allow holiday fun to take over. A few items can go by the wayside for a month. I can always bring them back in when January comes. And reminder to self: there are other people in my household who are just as capable as me at getting chores done. I frequently remind myself (and this is no exception) I don’t have to do it all. LET GO OF CONTROL! Give others the opportunity to be of service.
As I finished up this post I was reminded of another part of surrender. This morning I read from Gabby Bernstein’s Book, “Miracles Now,” and was reminded that if we are not feeling supported in our lives then we are not supporting ourselves. This might sound counter-productive but lets really look at it. If our thoughts and energy towards ourselves are negative then the universe will support that. We’ll most likely find our lives to be chaotic. However if we support ourselves by creating energetically positive thoughts, these thoughts become actions and we’ve opened the door for support to flow in. And we can’t just assume others know what we want or how we best desire to be supported. We have to let them know. We have to get specific in how they can best support us. It’s a circle. To be supported we have to first know how to support ourselves then we have created the space to ask others for support.
As I sit with all that’s just unfolded for me it’s becoming clear how I can best find balance and support during the holidays. Each morning in my prayer and mediation I will present my daily to-do wish list and ask for guidance and support. Then I will surrender my agenda and my will to the universe. I will surrender my illusion of control in exchange for knowing I don’t have to figure it all out. Someone else already has a plan for me. I just have to show up and follow it. Seriously, THANK GOD!